Contact an Alien

12 Tips for Alien Communication

1) Aliens do not have names like humans do, so just begin your message with "Dear Alien".

2) Keep it simple. English is their 72nd language they've had to learn. Don't try to show off by using big words. Nobody cares that you're smart. Not even Aliens, who are really smart.

3) If your Alien decides to visit don't look him in his eyes, regardless of where on his body his eyes are located. Aliens do not like eye contact. Also, greet the Alien by falling to your knees and saying "All Hail the Alien Emperor, Lord of the Universe".

4) Do not ask about the meaning of life. They don't know either.

5) Have some self-respect. Do not ask them for favors. Aliens will not help you take over the world, and even if they would do such a thing it is doubtful that they would need your help to do it.

6) Do not try to convert your Alien to your religion. Aliens have their own God to worship and your puny God is nothing compared to theirs. Nothing.

7) If you request a photo of your Alien, be advised that Aliens avoid having their photo taken as they have confirmed that they actually do steal the subjects soul.

8) Do not let your alien know that your photo has beentaken in the past. Aliens tend to eat only animals or other beings without souls.

9) No Spam. Trust us, you don't want to spam these guys.

10) If you are going to submit your Alien communication to the tabloids, or if you plan on writing a book about your Alien encounter, be sure to get expressed written permission from your alien and/or its legal representative.

11) Be patient. Response time depends on where in the universe your alien is located, It may be a day, or a week. You may be dead by the time the alien gets your message.

12) If you have pets, hide them.